The good, the bad, and the ugly; Understanding bullying

School bullying and workplace bullying are both defined as  systematic abuse of power where the victim is made to feel coerced, degraded, humiliated, threatened, intimidated, or frightened

School bullying and workplace bullying are pretty similar concepts. Both can be broadly defined as a systematic abuse of power where the victim is made to feel coerced, degraded, humiliated, threatened, intimidated, or frightened. The core concepts of bullying are that it is persistent, harmful, and negative outcomes for victims. However, what isn't quite so apparent is that all bullying are also characterized by intentional behaviour that is perceived to harmful by BOTH the perpetrator and the individual being bullied. Meaning that the bully wants to hurt the victim, and the victim is, indeed, hurt by the bully's behaviour. 

Sometimes the "intentionality" of bullying is misunderstood to mean that if the victim somehow decides not to be hurt from the behaviour then it's not actually bullying. But what this perspective misses is that bullying often happens in insidious and subtle ways over a period of time. Also, bullies are active agents who target individuals who they perceive to be weaker than themselves, because these people are less likely to fight back. Weakness here doesn't just mean physical strength either, it could be social, emotional or role based power (or lack thereof). This means that the bully picks on someone who is perceived to be quiet, introverted, or different, or even someone who is subordinate to them in the workplace. Often the victim isn't left with an option just to ignore it, to toughen up, or many of the other dismissives that are used when we talk about bullying. 

Bullying doesn't just mean getting beaten up in the school yard, it happens in many different ways across situations. In fact, physical bullying like being punched or kicked is the LEAST likely type of bullying to happen (both at work and at school). Verbal bullying is the most common at school, and indirect forms of bullying like social exclusion and spreading rumours are more common at work. Because it can take so many forms, it can be difficult to identify, and even more difficult to talk about. 

But, we have to remember that bullying is a group phenomenon, meaning that it is not just the bully and the victim involved. Christina Salmivalli, suggested that there are lots of other people who have a stake in the bullying situation. Henchmen and followers either actively or passively support the bully (by joining in, laughing, etc), bystanders see it happening but don't act on it, and defenders stick up for the victim. Needless to say, bystanders make up the majority followed by henchman and coming in a very distant third are defenders. It has been found to be more effective to support bystanders and defenders than to try to change bullies. 

What can you do? 

The first step is to realise that it is bullying and it is wrong. You might have identified that you are being victimised, or that you are a bully - or maybe even both. The next thing to do is to tackle the issue, if you are being bullied seek support, if you are bullying others, reflect on the reasons why you are doing this. We have to start talking about this in order to make change.